Project Sail

Because the power lines were already nearby, the land was inexpensive, and the neighbors don’t have lobbyists. Also, there’s a helpful tradition of officials who appreciate “partnerships,” “task forces,” and post-term “consulting.” We respect Coweta County’s character so much that we’re replacing large parts of it with parking, fencing, and tasteful concrete.

We shrank the original plan by a whopping 13% and now call it “responsible.” Nine buildings totaling 4.34 million square feet still dominate the horizon, but with more brand-approved beige and slightly fewer roofs than last time. The site plan will keep “evolving” until the excavators arrive. Then it will evolve into reality.

Our goal is to keep this project out of sight—by making the rules optional. Natural dips and tree cover will help, plus “native” landscaping sourced from wherever had a sale. Expect:

• A “required buffer” we’ll request variances for later
• Setbacks that look great on slides
• Berms (or burms, depending on the memo) curated by our ordinance-softening attorney
• Building colors that say, “Don’t look at me, I’m a cloud.”

Absolutely not. Unless you consider months of construction convoys, backup beepers, and the painfully loud white-noise chorus of chillers to be “noise.” Once built, the trucks get smaller and the hum becomes a constant, soothing reminder that your property is now zoned next to industrial serenity.

If this constant background hum is simply not enough noise for you, don't worry! We're working closely with your county commissioners to legalize blasting Coweta County with our backup power generators whenever we damn well please!

If blasting is needed, it will be limited to days ending in “y,” between the hours of “when you have a toddler napping” and “when you finally sit down.”

No, only the tasteful glow of “dark-sky” lighting, a gentle aurora visible from space but technically compliant if measured at knee height behind a shrub.

Power: Georgia Power assures us your rates won’t notice us sneaking past with industrial-scale demand. If the grid hiccups, please unplug your toaster.
Water: Peak use of up to 6 million gallons a day is already “planned for.” If your wells act funny or your springs turn sassy, our comprehensive stormwater plan will send you a PDF. Reminder: we only change the system after 6 months of complaints, and even then we’ll keep the rivers spicy.

Today’s answer: a closed-loop air-cooled system (no evaporative cooling!). Yesterday’s answer: advanced water-cooling with painfully loud operation. Tomorrow’s answer: whichever version makes the hearing go faster.

By hiring the finest consultants who can generate binders of best practices, heroic arrows, and erosion-control clip art. If sediment shows up in your yard, please consult Section 14.3.7 (“How to Accept That This Is Progress”).

We love your question. If it becomes “part of the conversation,” we’ll coordinate closely with state and local officials to ensure our needs are fully met. After our abatements, credits, and “special considerations,” you might get a ribbon cutting. In 10 years, you’ll get a surprise—maybe even your own money back.

Give it a try! You'll quickly discover if you've upset us, in which case something like this might happen to you. Good luck, citizen!

Your current laws limit our generator testing to a maximum of 2 hours per day, up to 3 days per week. We've heard your impassioned call for Project Sail to "Bring the Noise!!" and rest assured, we are working hard to change your laws! Soon, all Coweta County residents can enjoy our glorious industrial symphony from 9am to 5pm, every day!